So many relationships end due to conflicts. If we had access to these simple techniques we could save ourselves from drama and emotional upset. It will take some discipline and dedication on your part, but if you use these tools you can live a conflict-free life.
When you stop and think about the stupid things that cause arguments, it's really ridiculous. The simple desire to be right is what usually drives most conflicts. Power struggles are at the root of most disagreements and when you remove that element the struggle stops. These simple techniques will disarm any argument in its tracks.
The first thing you are going to want to do is mirror back what the person is trying to tell you. You do this by being genuine and making sure that you understand what it is that's upsetting them. For example, your husband comes home from work later than you and makes a remark that dinner should be ready and the house should be picked up. You start by saying, " So you are upset about dinner not being ready and the house not being picked up?" He may respond with something more aggressive now and this is where you want to be calm and controlled. He may say something like, "I work way more hours than you do and I can't be expected to have to start working as soon as I get home." Your response here is key, this is when you agree. Your reply should be something like, " I agree, you have been working more hours that I have and you should not have to work as soon as you get home, especially when I got home before you." By agreeing you open the door to communication rather than shutting it with an argument. Most likely the first time you do this he may even come back at you again. He may say, " Yea, well this isn't the first time this has happened." This is where you stay in control and say, " I think you are right, this has happened before." You get the idea. No matter what comes at you, you are going to be positive and agree. In time you will see his communication begin to shift in the same direction. It will take some discipline the first few times you do it, but I promise you it works like a charm. One of the most surprising things about this process is that you will actually begin to learn and see things about yourself that you were not able to before. It opens the door to honesty and the rewards are endless.
Arguments and How They Affect Your Health
Arguments are very detrimental to your health. Anger is one of the most destructive emotions in the body. The spike in blood pressure, the pounding of your heart and the actual release of venom into your own saliva. I am sure you have heard of the term, venomous tongue, this is where that comes from. We are actually releasing poison into our own system as we spew out anger at others. The moral of the story here is our anger affects us more than anyone else and words shouted in anger are poisonous.
Isolation and Loneliness
Being in conflicts causes us to feel isolated and lonely. So caught up in our rightness we are unable to enjoy our lives. Living in harmony is a wonderful way to live. Sometimes we must ask ourselves, is it more important to be right or to be happy?
Arguments can be Relationship Damaging
When we allow ourselves to fly off the handle and spew out whatever comes to our mind, we run the risk of damaging our relationships in a way that they can never recover from. Feeling heard and validated is crucial to maintaining intimacy. All that really matters during a disagreement is that someone is upset. Calming that emotion should be all we care about. Denying or ignoring it can have lasting negative effects on your relationship. The more care we take to manage disagreements the healthier and better you will feel.
Why do I Have to be the Good Guy?
You may be asking yourself, "Why do I have to be the one to agree?" The answer to that is, you are the one who now has the tools to live in harmony. If you continue to be stubborn and unwilling to carry them out, you will never be able to live in peace. By being open to criticism and not angered by it, gives you the opportunity to see yourself in a whole new way. The best thing about this practice is that in time your partner or friends will begin to mirror your behavior back to you. Once this happens you will be sold on the practice.
Stop the War
It's as simple as letting go of a rope. All you need to do is follow these simple techniques and you will be living in harmony and at peace.