What you are experiencing is what is referred to as the dark night the soul. Often after we have an awakening everything that doesn’t support that change in us begins to fall away.
After the dark night there is always a new day. This is what you need to focus on. Give yourself the time needed to adjust to what is happening in your life. An awakening is an opening up of your true nature, it is you becoming you. Everything changes and many times the people in our lives, our jobs, and our purpose in life will be completely different than what it was. This can cause a lot of chaos and commotion among your friends and family. There will be those who change with you and those who want to hold you still. Those who want to hold you still will most likely fall away from your life. This is where a lot of the pain and darkness comes from.
When an awakening occurs we begin to see all of the areas in our lives that originally were hidden from us. Negative thinking like, gossip, jealousy, anger, to list a few will come forward for you to look at. Many situations will present themselves to show you where these things are happening in your life. When this happens you will fall into judgement and unworthiness. The new dawn will come as you begin to realize that judgment and unworthiness are yet another form of negative thinking. When you replace that with gratitude and appreciation your new world will begin to unfold. By noticing all the areas that you want to raise or change in yourself, you are actually transforming yourself. Why would you feel any shame or disappointment in that? Once you realize that in the noticing of what needs to change is what causes the change, now you can begin to be grateful to yourself for finally being able to see.
When an awakening occurs it allows us to see. When we see, we change. That is a process that takes time and our only job is to continue to see. Do your best to be grateful when you see something that you'd like to change. That in itself will assist you in the change. All of us have life experiences that cause us to behave in certain ways. There is no shame in that. We just need to be compassionate with ourselves and not judge.
Check out my article at www.yourpainismypain.com, Knowing Yourself, for more in