How can you make your relationship better even when you think your mate is responsible for all the problems?
Become the change you want to see, is the way to a happier relationship. Stop blaming and start doing more of what you want in return. Being selfless is like becoming a magnet for everything you want.
Often times when things are not going well in the relationship we use this as an excuse for our own bad behavior. There is no excuse for bad behavior and in the end, it will only affect you in a negative way. If you consistently take the higher road, higher things will come to you.
It's possible you are not in the right relationship and that it may come to an end, but accepting this in a non-judgmental way and staying positive will ensure you of a better relationship in your future. When we constantly look at failed relationships as bad and never learn the lessons that they provide we will continue having them. Conflicts provide an opportunity for growth that we could never have in any other way. Having to be in control, have the last word, or thinking we are always right are a few of the things that we can learn from failed relationships. The more open you can become to allowing others to be who they are and taking responsibility for your own happiness are two valuable lessons you can learn from your relationships. There is really no right and wrong, just two people who believe they are right. Of course, there are deal breakers in relationships such as affairs, lying, and erosion of trust, but most often those come from the everyday conflicts that we continue repeating over and over.
You can make your relationship better if you create a space of openness, honesty, and allow differences between you, then neither of you need to change who you are. Most people leave relationships because they feel stifled or controlled. It becomes a constant struggle to be different then what they are to remain in the relationship. The greatest gift you can give to your partner is the freedom to be who they are. We can not and should not try to mold our partners to satisfy our need to have them make us happy. We are responsible for our own happiness and if we aren't happy we can't blame anyone but ourselves.
There are many situations where the spirit of the person has been broken and they have become what their partners have demanded them to be. Neither of them is really happy in this situation and it is sad to watch. In some cases maybe a partner breaks free and walks away leaving the other devasted and confused. The partner feels betrayed and can't understand how this could happen. They go on to get into other relationships repeating the same behavior over and over, never realizing that they are the cause. They think that they are victims and refuse to learn what their part in it was.
The freedom that comes in a relationship where both parties are free to be individuals and a couple, is by far and above the best. The respect that is gained from one another is the glue that keeps the marriage safe from outside influences. Respect is the single most important aspect of a relationship. Once it is lost it is hard to recover and the bond between the couple is weakened.
When looking for a partner it is important to look for qualities that are lasting. An attraction of course is important, but not to be mistaken for deeper more lasting qualities that stay the test of time. A genuine interest in each other, support and a sense of feeling valued are some of the things that make relationships feel bonded.
Keeping your relationship solid depends greatly on your ability to communicate and to know when it is time to concede. There will be times in the relationship where one or the other of you feels so strongly that you can feel they aren't going to back down. When this kind of head bunting starts it is so important that one or the other can see it. In really solid relationships there is a constant give and take and the awareness of when you need to be the one to give in.
Choose your battles, and don't waste time on stupid shit. So many couples argue about really insignificant things. Like. who first brought something up or telling a story wrong and so on. There are so many more important things to discuss than this. If you find yourself caught up in the, I just want to be "right" syndrome, be big enough to let it go. Ask yourself, is it more important to be happy or to be right? Sounds silly I know, but you can't imagine how many arguments are started over the stupidest things that end up opening up a big can of worms. So that being said, try being the bigger person and let your partner be right now and then and maybe they'll do the same for you sometime.
One of the biggest things for making your relationship better is to make it a priority. As time goes on we all have a tendency to stop doing those little things we use to do. Compliment each other often, pick up a little something to show you are thinking of each other, and plan trips away for the two of you to reconnect. With the use of i-pads, computers, phones, and social networks, there is little time left to listen to our partners. Shut off the phones at dinner, put the computer and i-pad away in the evening and spend some quality time with the ones you love.
Instead of feeling like your relationship is in a downward spiral, try to look for things you could do differently that could revive it. I guarantee if you employ some of these suggestions you will see some great results in your intimacy and happiness.